hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
