I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
