I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
