Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
