I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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