hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
