Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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