Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Randomize
