I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
