God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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