I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
