Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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