Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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