I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
