question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sext me about skeletons
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
