We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
