she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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