i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
