Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
