my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
we're so committed to being not committed
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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