no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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