it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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