What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's rum buckets o'clock
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
