I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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