Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
