that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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