btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
