I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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