As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
