Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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