Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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