The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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