it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
