I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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