He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
