I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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