so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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