coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
