I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
