she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
