While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
