My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
