I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
