you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
