the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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