i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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