I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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