cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
