I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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