Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
