Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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